State of the Heart

Orchid's Lantern blog C.R. Dudley author

My heart beats hard inside its wet wrapping. Colours emerge; pink, red, and splashes of emerald green, but they are muted by those who behold them.

My heart sings in strange wave formations that would describe the nature of the quantum in no uncertain terms, could it only escape this plastic sheeting. Instead, these waves are refracted. They are thrust in all directions in dissonance, like the sound of an untuned piano key played over and over; a crude backing track to the stark wails of the human throat.

My heart rages. You may call it love, which is something akin to approaching a bear for a cute photo while it is growling out a warning. It wants to be free, not confined, and to love is to be attached.

My heart whimpers softly in the night, and I hear it in my dreams. But, instead of letting it loose to soar, I slay it anew each morning with my open eyelids and the offensive filter of ego that daylight brings. It makes distant, distorted cries as I bag it up, and I interpret it as the fluttering joy of life.

Words like ‘poor’ or thriving’ are not adequate in describing the state of the heart, for they suit only things a mind can judge. Still, whenever the question comes: how are you; how is your heart today? I use a word with even less importance, as though it were not even worth the effort of description: “OK,” I say. Because it is OK – isn’t it? Everything is surely OK.

*****

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23 thoughts on “State of the Heart

  1. > the nature of the quantum in no uncertain terms.
    Clever play on words, those.

    ? Are the colours muted “by” or “to” those who behold them? Are they doing the muting or is your heart? If “by” then I wonder how. Bias induced by their own hearts’ colours? Reality tinted glasses?

    I especially liked your description of the assault the waking world has on us as we creak out of slumber.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, I’m pleased you liked it.

      “By” those who behold them is what I was going for – the idea that our everyday perception is blocking out the true colours of the heart and soul. ‘Reality tinted glasses’ – I like that ☺

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  2. This is a beautiful composition. I loved the imagery; waves thrust in all directions, love…akin to approaching a bear for a cute photo… Some great rhythms in the sentences too. I didn’t eve notice the quantum/uncertain terms thing until the other commenter mentioned it, and that’s excellent. It would be interesting to hear this performed, I think the style gave it a vibe that would suit that.

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  3. Caroline, you are gifted beyond words, and there is no limit to your imagination. Though I may not always understand the meaning behind everything you are saying, you never cease to make me feel, deeply. I am so in awe of your extraordinary talent. Happy New year!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Carr’s book “What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains” is not my usual, so I read bits like short stories. I hope it’s wrong. It’s already been proven that we get depressed when tapping glass to communicate, and looking through glasss to experience because we are tactile beings. Matters of the heart are far more intricate, because that is all feeling, and regardless of the walls built around it, there comes the day, the moment, the scene where it has to scream for freedom or die. Which would make one contemplate, and I send this question directly to you, the true status of death. Is it when the heart stops beating, or when it beats only to sustain “life”?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ego death in the transcendent meaning, yes, as the psyche evolves. I was more in the vein of when hope or “the grand illusion” of life dies. Quitting, so to speak. Not involving a life-ending event other than letting life kill potential happiness. Overcome by sadness and incompletion without the “depression” moniker. Just a theory.

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      2. I don’t mean ego death only as in an evolving psyche: I mean it in any sense involving a loss of ‘I’. That may include people in extreme and unrecoverable emotional states. But even on a less literal level, I don’t think happiness = life (proper), chronic depression and despair = death (of sorts). They are just different experiences on the spectrum of life largely influenced by our idea of right and wrong. Interesting question 🙂

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