Fragments of Void: Quantum Conductor

Quantum Conductor

Beneath the very particles of my being I was waves all along. My position in space and time was a lie; permanence was only ever an idea.

We talk of wave functions collapsing to form objective reality, but that is upside down and inside out. A wave function does not collapse, it is merely that we (the observers) give birth to illusions based upon its pattern. 

For man to think he creates reality by observing it, that he is essentially God to small things, is only true in a superficial sense. It is an ego’s interpretation.  

We perceive a reality we are equipped to understand. That is, a reality that makes use of the kind of sensory detectors we happen to have. A reality that shows objects to be at just one position in space and time at once; the position they are most likely to be in if they had to ‘choose’ given the data from all other things acting upon them. But outside of our minds, they don’t have to choose. In fact they don’t have to obey measurement systems at all, they simply are.  

Upon realising this, I have become a quantum conductor. I forget everything I think I know and allow the waves to travel freely through my fingers, to make music upon me; and I interpret the resulting pattern for man’s instruments through my dance. I search for the part of me that conforms to the very essence of the music, because I love how it makes my presence in the moment crumble. To be wholly at one with the harmony of the waves around us is to be attuned to all places at all times. It is to be connected to every possibility outside of the consensus reality tunnel, and as such it cannot be accurately described, only understood. 

To make something in wave form that is beautiful to us is the purest thing we can do, because it reflects the illusions we have created back into the language of the infinite. A religious man might say it is like telling stories to God in her language. I say the music itself is the most meaningful thing we have.  


Fragments of Void is a collection of bite size creative writing pieces around the theme of nihilism and dark spirituality.  

Fragments Of Void: Community Spirit


Mrs McGarritty is preparing for the village fete. I can hear her from my study, whistling as she pins up the same blue bunting we use every year. Soon she will pay me a visit to request that I cut the grass outside the hall in plenty of time.

I don’t begrudge anyone the little things that fill their lives with meaning, but I’m not fond of being dragged into celebrating them either. “Smile dear,” I’ll get, “this is our chance to show the world how our community shines!” By ‘the world’ she means a handful of guests from the neighbouring villages and, if we’re lucky, the mayor with a photographer from The Gazette.

What she doesn’t understand is that what shines also creates shadow. I first saw it when I was 7 years old. I had advance knowledge that the Larson’s border collie would not live until the end of summer, and I tried with best intentions to warn them of this fact. No one believed me, and when the poor thing drowned in the lake, I was the one who got the blame. How could I know it was going to happen if I wasn’t the one who planned it? 

Continue reading “Fragments Of Void: Community Spirit”

Fragments of Void: The Board

I watch them entering the board room. They fall over themselves, keen to impress, keen to rise. They step on one another, desperate to show that they are the most committed, that the company means more to them than to any other. They work themselves to the bone, pouring in coffee to magically lengthen their days while being crushed beneath this thing they call work-life balance. 

Graphs and charts and figures and commodities leak out of their folders and their pores. They bow down to the PowerPoint presentation and the flip-chart. They shake my hand with a grip that says their life depends on it, as though they might suck up a little of my influence through the only physical contact custom allows. 

I am a Queen to them: their leader, their inspiration, their aspiration. In their eyes I am the pinnacle of professionalism, finely experienced and all-knowing. 

I am not all-knowing. But I do know something they don’t. I know that none of this means a thing. None of it matters a damn. 

Commerce is about as abstract a concept as the notion that we have a permanent spirit living within us. It is but a configuration of perception, that we buy into because it provides a convenient and comfortable groove in which to live. In our groove, we don’t have to think about our impending death because we have a goal to achieve, and place ultimate importance upon reaching it. We build our personal illusion around it, to sweep away the only truth of our existence. But what I know is that by not thinking about it, we are building a deep-set fear beneath the surface like a leviathan that drives our every move. It can and will rise from our depths to swallow us at any moment. Our death becomes us. 

I see my death everyday, I am one with it. I live without expectations, without fear of being dropped into the ocean by my favourite lie. I manage a corporation knowing there are no real consequences to its failure or success, and that recklessness and order are just as absurd as one another. The future of this business and me as an individual are connected and inseparable, and yet I don’t cling to it. The worst that can happen is no different to the best in the end, so I simply allow the flow to take me. By doing so I act swiftly, I never feel stress and I never nurse my feelings once decisions are made. 

Apparently that makes me great. This is a notion I find utterly hilarious, for if the people who judge me would allow themselves to break through their own illusions they would see that there is no such thing as great. ‘What is the secret of success?’ They all ask. My answer will never change.

Let go of life and you will have it all. Let go of death and you will have nothing. 

Fragments of Void is an illustrated, hand-bound zine compiling short bursts of creative writing about nihilism and dark spirituality.